How To Tell If Your Girlfriends Are Jealous

Have you ever had that friend? Not the one who tells you like it is but the one who’s only happy so long as she is the one. You know the one to get a great promotion; the first to purchase a home; the first to get married and so on. Mostly interested in admiration from others and being delighted in themselves, seldom are they prepared to bask in the glory of someone else. Their selfishness won’t allow them to praise you for doing better. Instead, she grinds her teeth into a constipated smile while mentally rolling her eyes.

You deserve to pat yourself on the back and celebrate successes, and your girlfriends should be on the sidelines cheering every step of the way. Anyone who can’t corroborate with the group should have their membership in your circle reconsidered. Jealousy is a poison you can do better without.

Think one of your girls might be a certified hater? Here are a few characteristics associated with Jealous Friend Syndrome:

1. “Congratulations, but…”
The word “but” negates. It invalidates everything previously stated. “Congratulations, but…” or “I’m so happy for you, but…” really means “I’ve overlooked the importance of your accomplishments to find fault.” Jealous girlfriends often unknowingly give their true feelings away by sprinkling in criticisms with compliments.

2. One-uppers

You land a great job and suddenly she’s on the cusp of moguldom. You start dating a stock trader and out of nowhere she tells you things are getting serious between her and a hedge fund manager. The friend who just can’t seem to ever let you have your moment without sharing how they are doing better in a similar area is jealous. Your potential is a threat to their self-esteem, so they’re O.K. with your life being mediocre.

3. Dreamkilling
No one needs a Negative Nancy bringing them down. Jealous friends kill dreams because they don’t have the courage it takes to wholeheartedly pursue their own. If you find your girl is always coming up with reasons for failure and her words never seem to help, she’s probably jealous.

4. The Disappearing Act
Jealous girlfriends are good for “unintentionally” going M.I.A. soon after a major accomplishment. They are conveniently too busy to answer calls, because the envy in their veins is too overwhelming to hide. The excitement is too much to stomach so they distance themselves until the commotion dies down.

5. Unnecessary criticism

Haters focus on negative attributes and pinpoint even the minutest of “problems.” The friend who is constantly providing unwanted (and unwarranted) critique is likely jealous and desperate for you to share their feelings of inadequacy.

6. Disbelief

While the state of awe is typically a good thing, for some, it is a place of “How in the world did that happen!?” The jealous friend who believes she’s prettier, smarter and more valuable than you is actually saying “Oh my God!” because she can’t have you surpassing her. If the exuberance is followed by a blank stare instead of a bestie bear hug, check box: Jealous.

How To Tell A Friend From An Associate

In a time when we're all "friending" one another on Facebook, Twitter and other network sites, we must remember the difference between a REAL friend and an associate.  Once the computer is turned off and the Blackberry is on silent, real life ensues, and this is when you must know who your real friends are!

He/She will Make Sure You’re Safe
A true friend is always looking out. If you go out and have a few too many drinks, your real friend will make sure that you are OK and get home safely. An associate feels no responsibility for you and may leave you to your own devices. If you’re sick, you’re friend will call or stop by to check in. If your car breaks down, your real friend will come to your rescue. An associate is unconcerned.


Brotha/Sista is Helper Not A Hater
If he or she is able, your real friend will help you get to the next level. If she can help you find a new job, she will. If he knows a good guy that would be perfect for you, he’ll make an introduction. An associate is not trying to help you out. In fact, she may hide opportunities from you, because she doesn’t want you to be more successful than her. A friend is your cheerleader. An associate can’t be bothered.

A Real Friend is Your Discount Shrink
Break up, make up or hot sexy escapade, your real friend is the first one you blab to. A real friend is someone who you enjoy letting into your business. You value a true homie’s advice.  If you are shy about sharing the personal details of your life with someone, she is probably more associate than friend.

A True Friend Makes You Feel Good When You’re With Them
A good friend is a positive force in your life. He builds you up and makes you laugh. You find conversations with a real friend engaging and you enjoy having her around. If you are bored with or irritated by someone in your circle, he or she is probably  simply an associate and not a real friend.

Friends Don’t Take Advantage
A friend reciprocates your generosity. If you pay for brunch, she’s got it the next time. If you babysit her kids, she’ll do the same for you. On the other hand, those who aren’t true friends may take your kindness for weakness. If you give of your time and treasures and never get anything in return, you are probably dealing with an associate and not a real friend.