When you’re single it’s easy to be a loyal friend; it’s easy to be there when you’re needed, to be a pillar of support and readily available. As single ladies, our girlfriends are the rocks that get us through disappointing work experiences and bad relationships. They are the women with whom we laugh, scream and cry.
Then comes the man of your dreams with the courage to get down on one knee. You get married and, suddenly, he becomes your first priority.
Girlfriends often feel left by the wayside as newlyweds tend to get wrapped up in their marital bliss. The transition from “me” to “us” can be difficult and newly married couples are faced with finding balance. Though it requires some understanding from your girls, much of the responsibility for maintaining previous friendships is up to you. If you don’t, a part of your individuality will be lost and you may find yourself feeling lonely and isolated.
If you’re engaged, newly married or in need of friendship rejuvenation, here are some tips for making the transition from great single girlfriend to awesome married girlfriend:
1. Establish boundaries in your marriage
You and your husband should set parameters on your marriage. For example, how late is too late for friends to call? It varies according to couple. Which friends of one another’s do you approve? Just like men have some friends who are bad for business, women do too. It is important to have this discussion so the two of you can express your feelings and become aware of what things are individually significant. Let him know you understand your wifely obligations but plan to allocate time to your friends.2. Explain your new life to your friends.
Your friends have to understand that your life has changed and it’s no longer just about you and what you want to do. Let them know you still love and appreciate them but your husband (and, in the case of children, family) comes first. Be clear that you will not be as available, but you will do your best to be there when needed and you will make room for quality time. Anyone who can’t handle that doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
3. Call regularly.
Keeping in touch is huge. It is imperative not to let the conversation fall off. Girlfriends chat; be sure to give your girls a call once or twice every other week. Some friends are more high maintenance than others, so spread yourself accordingly. Weeks can turn into months and months into years if you don’t make a point to pick up the phone.
4. Schedule time with your friends at least once a month.
Phone conversations are great, but face time is almost equally as important. You may not be able to post-club at IHOP until 5AM anymore, but you can still congregate at your favorite sushi spot for Saki and sashimi—same day, same time, every month. Make it a priority to do some of the same girlfriend stuff you did before. Suggest your husband spend the time you’re out with his friends.
5. Remember special dates.
Keep an updated calendar of birthdays, anniversaries, promotions and anything else that may be important. Be sure to send a gift or card, something to let them know you care. It is nice to know your friends are thinking of you when it seems like they’ve moved on.
6. Invite them over.
Host a few dinner parties or cookouts and invite your friends over. Help acclimatize them to your new husband and home. The more you make them feel a part of it the less they may feel excluded. Plus, your friends can get to know your husband’s friends better and bring more continuity to the union.
7. Go off for a yearly getaway.
Spend a weekend with the ladies. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or somewhere too far. Head to the nearest beach, spa resort or bed and breakfast. Every wife needs a breather once in a while. Why not spend it with your friends? Girlfriend getaways are good for the soul and evidence you’re still the same sister-friend, just married.
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